Wimbledon and Fiance-Faces!


I don’t really know why I like tennis.

I’m not a huge sports fan, well actually I’m not really a sports fan all together. I’m not sure though if this is true, perhaps I just don’t like the identity of a sports fan because I love my identity as a creative nerdface (who doesn’t create anything) and sports and art don’t really go together.

I am having a bit of a sports fan identity crisis.

In fact when I told my friends I was going to Wimbledon, one of them responded with a pained ‘Why?’ and when I said ‘Well I love tennis’ he went quiet and replied with a raised eyebrow ‘Well that is something I never knew about you’.

It had started, I had just come out of the jock fan girl closet.

I love tennis. I blame Justine Henin.

I remember coming home from school one day and being distraught that the afternoon cartoons had been replaced by these sweaty people hitting balls around. For some reason I left the TV on, only maybe paying it 0.2% of my attention, when a random close up of Henin’s face caught my eye. It transformed my 0.2% attention to 100% instantly.

Her face was like a million words. Big beautiful words that only the likes of Butler-Yeats could do justice. Henin showed me that day how tennis can be an art. The dedication and determination bit into my core and suddenly I wanted her to win. The emotion rose from excited butterflies in my stomach to a pounding hammer in my chest and throat.

That was the day I understood what it means to be a sports fan. To sit on the line with a player willing them to push themselves far enough to win. That even though you didn’t really break a sweat, it feels as if you win too, the euphoria is breathtaking. If they lose you’re right there with them through all the disappointment…until tea time and you remember that you aren’t really all that much affected by some guy losing a tennis match.

I went to Wimbledon on Tuesday. It was an experience that I have wanted to participate in since seeing Henin play all those years ago. It really was everything I expected and more. Including the extortionate prices…apparently my girlfriend thought £8 for a plastic cup of pimms was reasonable.


We tussled with the conundrum of where to stay as prices soared for accommodation the longer we left it. We eventually decided to drive and camp in the van which turned out to be a really cool idea. However, when all was said and done it ended up still costing us a pretty penny, what with camping site fees, congestion charges, park and ride fare and Pimms but I’m glad we camped. It was a liberating feeling sitting out under the stars with the dozens of happy sqwarking parakeets that I was so excited at first to see until the morning when we discovered that they had shat all over our van.

20150701_214632 We arrived early and headed to Henman hill to eat our lunch and watch a bit of Liam Broady’s game against David Goffin, we didn’t catch the end but unfortunately Liam lost out despite playing a great game. Henman hill is a lot smaller than I had imagined, actually to be honest the whole venue was a lot smaller than I had imagined, which was a massive relief for my reserve of spoons.

We then headed to court one to start our days worth of tennis games. First up was Tommy Haas and Milos Raonic. My girlfriend and I took massage wages on each player, I backed Raonic and she backed Haas. Play was excruciating to watch, it was peek heat time and it felt uncomfortable just sitting there so god knows how those boy’s coped. They were both beautiful players to watch. Raonic won 3-1 and I have left Wimbledon with a huge crush on the Canadian.


Next up was the show stopper Heather Watson vs Daniella Hantuchova. The crowd were obviously backing the Brit and she won 2-0. I watched the nail biting game between Watson and Serena (at home unfortunately) and I was absolutely distraught at her loss. I am a massive fan of Williams but Watson was the underdog and what with her being a Brit and my having seen her play in the flesh I was pretty upset. Watson was so close! She was playing the game of her life at 23 and giving the #1 seed a run for her money. Watson is one to watch. I will now be backing Williams all the way for the seasons grand slam. Sorry Ms Williams for my fickle support.


Finally it was Stan ‘the man’ Wawrinka vs Victor Estrella Burgos. I put my massage stakes on Burgos and unfortunately he lost his game 3-0 and I lost my massage. They both played well but Burgos had a fire that I couldn’t dismiss and I think he was unfortunate in this game.


As we stood to applaud Wawrinka’s win, my girlfriend got down on one knee and proposed to me like a massive womb. If you had told me this was how she was going to propose in advance I would have had a full blown panic attack whilst running as fast as I can to the hills…fuck the hills I would have gone to the damn moon! But as it turns out I’m a super womb too.


So yeah I am getting married but I think that deserves a post to itself. So I shall just comment that it was a perfect proposal and to no-one’s surprise, I responded like an idiot;.


So that’s about it for my Wimbledon adventure. I am 100 % behind Serena for the grand slam and Federer for the world record of 8 Wimbledon wins. It’s so very exciting. I will be watching in anticipation and I wish all the players well and thank them for such a passionate entertainment.

Go team SPORTS!

Thanks so much for reading.

Peace, Love, Harmony and Respect.


Happy Birthday to me.

I am 28 years old.

I am now older than Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Amy Winehouse, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Mark Bolan, Mia Zapata, Kristen Pffaf and countless other creative genius’ will ever be.

That to me is a bit of a mind meltdown. I don’t mean any disrespect to those passed away and I don’t intend to be in anyway judgmental or sensational on the lifestyles those individuals lead. It’s just really fucking weird to think of all of these people I grew up idolizing who are now always going to be younger than me.

I guess it makes me wonder if their music will change its meaning as I grow older or will listening to these folks always make me feel young? I guess it’s an interesting question that only time itself can answer. If I don’t make it that much further than them could you please PM me in the afterlife and let me know.

That was my main thought on turning 28. That and how sad it is that now I am an adult approaching 30 all of my birthday presents are kitchen appliances but hey clean clothes and slow cooked stews are not anything to turn one’s nose up at.

I am not going to address the fact that I have been M.I.A (not the rapper) for a while now because it’s all just boring bullcrap excuses but I will give you a list of all the things I have been doing that I will hopefully, probably write about in the upcoming weeks.

That list starts here; Orange is the new black, L7, Attack on Titan, Women’s world cup, Sense8, Amanda Fucking Palmer, Bleach, Revisiting old literature faves, LGBTQ+ celebrations, business start ups, webcomic stuff, relapsing fun times, new med anxiety, gardening, freaking out about the state of this rock we live on and much more that I can’t recall right now.

Thanks for reading this short little update. I hope to have stuff up for reading next week but in the mean time I am off to watch the sexy, sexy men hit balls at each other…tennis balls.

Peace, love, harmony and respect.


Life is your record collection #2 Rose Mountain by Screaming Females.

Good Friday.

Screaming Females are my band of the hour, so I thought I’d follow the theme of the week with a word gush about their latest offering Rose Mountain.

It’s a brilliant ballsy record and the more I play it, the more it pushes itself forward in the list of my favorite SF albums. It hasn’t quite surpassed Baby Teeth and Castle Talk but I think it sits just below them. It’s been a pretty fast love affair since it was only released a few months ago and could be a contender for album of the year.

So how did I fall in love with this band? Well I’m going to tell you my version of events but others do lay claim that they have responsibility for exposing me to these guys…but that’s bullshit because how could I ever forget the first time I heard this unique sound that completely consumes my heart and soul? Well, I can’t because it stole me away the very first time I saw them and that was when they played with Garbage and covered ‘Because the Night’ which was written and performed by the most iconic ladyface in punk rock whom I adore…and not in my girlfriends van listening to DOOM84 on a mix tape made by my delusional best friend.

This was my first exposure to Screaming Females, I promise.

If you read my Wednesday post you will know that I went to see these guys play Bristol last week. It was great…a little short but fantastic all the same. I live for live music, a forty minute set from a band or artist that resonates is worth more than a thousand memories of a seven day spa.

I really love their sound but I also really like this bands attitude. I admire Paternoster for rocking harder than a rock lobster through her chronic pain from Fibromyalgia, as someone who also suffers from chronic pain, she makes me feel lazy. I like that these guys are fundamentally friends and have known each other through school and college. I just watched Lance Bang’s documentary on the band and it was really quite moving to see how they band together to make their art. At one point in the feature Paternoster says ‘I wouldn’t play if I didn’t have these guys’.

They are a really hard working band, if any band I’ve covered on these blog posts deserves your affectionate attention it’s these guys. Go buy the records. Go see a show. Go buy some merch. Go support the hard work of a true musical prodigy.

Empty Head – First up why would you put salt in somebody’s drink? That’s just mean. This is a bit of a break up track. Actually I kind of imagine people have felt this way about me and deigned never to speak to me again…probably on more than one occasion. The thing to mention on this track and I feel like if I fan girl anymore over how awesomely talented Paternoster is, I may get cease and desist letters BUT the video for this track is a time lapse of one of her sketches and yeah this ladyface excretes talent from every single pore.

Ripe – My first impression of this song was also that it might be a break up track, what with the line ‘if you’re through with me then please just say so’. BUT then I read the lyrics and whilst it still seems to be a break up track, it seems to be a break up track with self-harm through drugs. There is quite graphic description of shooting up and the whole Horses imagery may be a throwback to the 60’s iconic album by Patti Smith. Smith wrote a lot of that album and the title track about her experiences watching those she loved and admired, like Robert Maplethorpe and Janis Joplin get utterly consumed by heroin. I’m pretty sure Paternoster has a bit of an affinity for PS as do most androgynous girls who love rock and roll. This is all speculative and lyrically ambiguous which is what good music is for. If you write a novel, the way you have sketched it out in your mind will ultimately vary from each persons imaginative interpretation. This is a great track, it’s my second favorite on the album because it’s really fucking heavy and shows off why I think Paternoster is the greatest living guitarist.

Wishing Well – One gets the impression that whilst Paternoster was writing the lyrics to this album she was waiting for a very important phone call because sitting by the telephone seems to be a recurring theme throughout. I really love the line ‘in the next life I’ll be better’. I think as a species, we humans take so much for granted and we tend to give up on our dreams at the first hurdle. The thing is though is that this is it. The earth has been standing for billions of years, we’ll be standing, if we’re lucky maybe 60. We are not guaranteed an eternity to get it right, so get it wrong and in the words of Aaliyah ‘dust yourself off and try again’ because I think the Screaming Females are being sarcastic.

Burning Car – It’s a bit annoying that half the sites I usually use to look up lyrics are extremely lacking when it comes to Screaming Female tracks, what is up with that? I get the impression that the line ‘There are ways to fix a broken sound, with my head in the sky and my ear to the ground’ eludes to the problems that may arise when searching for inspiration for something new to add to your next artistic venture, in this case I imagine it’s writing a song. I wouldn’t know because musically I am challenged. I bought a drum kit years back and learned a few tricks but I lost interest and they are gathering dust back at my mums. It’s just not something I’m passionate about. I guess I’m more of a listener than a player. That said I am passionate about many other art forms so I get that whole ‘writers block’ phenomenon. For me that’s what this track is kicking the shit out of, ‘HEY BRAIN! FUCK YOU! I GOT THIS!’.

Broken Neck – I’m going to be bold here and hazard a guess that this song is about the frustration with being sick and medical professionals telling you nothings wrong. If not then this track definitely helps me identify those feelings within myself.  It is a constant battle with Medical Professionals, you know you better than anyone, if you don’t feel right then push and push until you get an answer that leaves nothing up to the imagination.

Rose Mountain – It’s the title track and it’s smack bang in the middle to smack you in the face halfway through. In that documentary I watched about these guys, it’s revealed that Rose Mountain is actually a drug rehabilitation center that Marissa drove past and thought sounded beautiful. That line ‘I’m nothing like the others, I was made just for you’ is such a cheese ball line that every new relationship hails in various forms. One partner will say, ‘My ex punched me in the vagina and stole my peanut butter’ and the other touches their face and strokes their hair and says ‘I’m not an asshole’…they are lying, everyone is an asshole, some will just try harder than others to be a better person. I really like the piano outro that leads into the next song because it beautifully sets up the most majestic track on the album.

Hopeless – In the documentary Paternoster claims that this is a break up song about her body but then bassist King Mike later says, that Marissa won’t admit it but it’s just a break up song. I have to say though, I relate more to Paternoster’s explanation, so I’m going to choose to believe her. This is by far my most favorite track on the album and probably second from the whole Screaming Females back catalog (*Boss is my absolute). It’s just so brutal. Such raw emotion in any lyrical masterpiece blows my heart to smithereens every time I hear it and that happens with this track every damn time.

Triumph – This is a really great showcase of all three members talent. I’ve spoken at length about Paternoster’s genius so lets shed some love on the other two. Jarrett Dougherty is your drummer, he kicks out some jams. He was missing a full kit when I saw them last week but on the songs they did play he made them seem effortless, like he had drum limbs. King Mike is a brilliant and turbulent bassist that unfortunately, like many bassists plays second fiddle or guitar in this case to the wild guttural impact from bad ass guitarists. I think bassists are the sexiest members of any band and King Mike is certainly no exception to this rule ;-)

It’s not fair – Nope it’s not. I actually said these words the other day in regards to basically all my dramarama to a therapist and as soon as I said it, I was like ‘Wow’, that’s a really angsty, adolescent and selfish thing to say. Weirdly it helped immensely to put things into perspective for me; Life isn’t really fair for anyone. To quote Margret Mitchell through her character Ashley from Gone with the Wind; ‘Life is under no obligation to give us what we want, we take what we get and are grateful it’s no worse than it is’. This song is really short and probably my least favorite on the album, it’s not by any means a bad track, it’s just not as remarkable as every other song on the album.

Criminal Image – This song is really fun for me because I have a misheard lyric. I actually don’t know what the proper lyric is but unless Paternoster is a huge Battlestar fan then I think I have it wrong with ‘You’re a cylon, everything I want’. Man I hate those fracking skin job lovers! It’s a great song to close on, even if I can’t un-hear it’s BSG themes.

Rose Mountain was recorded in 2014 and released on Don Giovanni Records in February of this year 2015. It was produced by Matt Bayles who has worked with Minus the Bear, Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains.

Screaming Females are Marissa Paternoster, King Mike and Jarrett Dougherty and they are from New Brunswick, New Jersey. They are nearly done with their European tour but there are some shows left, so if you get the chance, definitely check them out.

I am away next week. I am venturing North to see my Grandmother…whitewalkers be damned!

I’ll catch you the week after.

Thank so much for reading.


Personal Emo Update #2 Screaming Females and Mummified Cats in the City of Bristolia.

I’ve had a weird and interesting week.

First up; DRUGS.

I’m changing my DMD’s.

In case you’re not in the know with medical acronyms DMD’s stands for Disease Modifying Drugs. If you’ve never read me before, I am indeed diseased.

I went for an MRI back in January that showed new lesions in my noggin. This means that the drugs I am currently taking to slow my progression into Multiple Sclerosis aren’t working.

I went to see my Neuro and asked him about a relatively new (*for MS) drug called Lemtrada. I had heard about it on an MS forum, the general mood on there about it was ‘take my money’ or more accurately ‘take my taxes and deprive me of the best medications for my disease’.

Unfortunately it’s not widely available yet in the UK. The good news for me, however is that it is up for grabs in Southampton and I don’t even pay taxes.

So I have signed on for this 75% reduction in relapse medication and I’m on a waiting list for 5 years of monthly blood and urine tests, one chest X-ray, already had my smear and a week long hospital visit. The possible side effects are a little terrifying but I guess I’ll just have to be brave and wing it. I mean we take chances everyday when we leave the house, so why not chance some blood clots and thyroid disease for an MS break.

I have been getting worse and struggling with my health. I think a big bold and slightly risky step may be beneficial because struggling with the MS is taking up so much of my time, I have little left to do the things I love but fortunately last week I kicked MS’s ass with a little adventure to Bristol to see Screaming Females.

It was a bit of a weird one, this gig. I’m not really sure what was going on.

So we rocked up to the Stag & Hounds which is a venue I was completely unfamiliar with, my BFF plays D&D there was all the info I had prior to the night. It was a really small space for what I consider a pretty huge band to play at, so I was really surprised from the get go.

The band were hanging out in the bar which always terrifies me because I have a fear of talking to shop assistants and answering the phone, so needless to say people that I find inspiring, who I hang out with regularly and have intimate moments with their art from afar are like a massive LIGER BEAST! when it comes to reality (*LIGER’s are scary Lion, Tiger, Spiders)

As someone who is socially awkward, shy as hell and easily intimidated this whole hanging out with those people who make the songs that make you feel is just awful, especially when you’re BFF and GF don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to go up to that person who you admire so much and say ‘Hey, I love your music, I’m a big fan’.

I don’t know why I feel like that. It’s not a big deal to me to avoid these iconic music gods. It’s always really awkward meeting people you admire. I’d rather just watch the craft and enjoy it. I don’t want to have to interact with them. I guess that’s just my unique way of being a fan but for normal people like my BFF and GF it was a great interaction and I would be lying if I said I couldn’t see why, it’s just not for me.

I do have to say though, I don’t hate my GF for getting my tix signed on the down low whilst I went to take my meds back at the van…it was a nice surprise at the end of the night.


So that was all good, great start for everyone who isn’t socially crippled.

We got there late, so missed the two support acts. SF were on at 9.45 and they ripped it up for forty minutes. It was the shortest gig I ever went to and the only gig I’ve ever been to where there was no encore.

The band had some issues with their drum kit and after the second song, Marissa (Lead badass) told the audience that they wouldn’t be able to play some songs because they were missing a bracket tom…I kinda thought she was kidding.

So they kicked off with Ripe and Boss which were two of my gig five. (*The 5 songs in my dream set) and man they are pure electric live. They have so much raw energy. All three are masters of their craft, the drums were great despite not being a full kit and the bassist King Mike has this whole demeanor of not giving a single shit but then he just hammers out these flawless bass lines that carry the songs so elegantly and then there is Marissa.

Marissa Paternoster is probably the best living guitarist. A bold statement but I’m going to stick with it. The fact that she is this tiny woman who just owns this instrument in itself is quite awe inspiring. She makes it sing like Hendrix made it sing. She plays as if the guitar is just an extension of her being. Then there is this voice that packs this guttural punch that leaves you dazed…how she has the talent to own both these gifts is beyond me. Yet she does, she exists and she sends shivers down my spine, making me feel such an array of sensation through sound. When you fall in love with an artist’s work, it can be like a rush of dopamine just hearing it at home in your bedroom but when you see them perform in front of your own eyes, it is like a transient experience that can’t be matched that you never want to end.

Unfortunately, it always does end but not always so abruptly. This gig was great and on par with every other gig I have ever attended but it didn’t feel like it reached its climax and it left me feeling a bit empty. That’s not the bands fault, I think whatever was going on had impeded them and they gave it a really good run for what seemed like an effort running on empty back up.

It lead to a lot of confusion and speculation from the crowd that I didn’t stick around to hear out. I just headed to the roadie and bought my merch, he did mention to the chap in front of me that they had to leave off 5 or 6 songs.

Alas, I don’t mean to complain. It was unfortunate but on the flipside, I got to see one of my favorite bands rip it up for 40 minutes and if that’s not money well spent then I don’t want to know what you do with your muller.

I huddled in the back of our van and we headed out to our beds for the evening. It was the first time visiting the BFF’s new digs and he lives in a really weird building. It’s like an outhouse in an all girls school. I really can’t describe it less creepily, sorry dude. It’s a great flat and is so secluded it would make a great murder house. I am making it worse aren’t I? In all seriousness, it was spacious and his housemates were delightful. It’s a great relief to know someone you care about but live so far away from is in good hands…in the all girls murder house.

The very next day we headed into Clifton for Gluten Free burgers at The Burger Joint. It was a great burger but no GF fries which was disappointing. The choices for eating out and being a coeliac have improved vastly over the past few years, had I discovered this place when I was newly diagnosed it would have been the cats pajamas. BUT I guess I’ve been spoiled by too much variety on menus, that these days, if you don’t have gluten free fries at a food establishment that advertises as being gluten free then you just ain’t up to scratch. That said if you just want a gluten free burger, then this place packs a good’un.

Speaking of cats pajamas. I then dragged my company into a museum that I once attended to view the Banksy exhibit many moons ago. They still have a Banksy piece in the entrance and it was a nice throwback to simpler days. I remember investigating this museum back then but I think my main focus then as a fresh faced 21 year old was to look cool for a boy I kinda fancied. I hadn’t decided if I wanted some boylove for a stopgap…so I was trying to be all cool and down with the cool kids, so I never really noticed all the other cool shit in this museum…like MUMMIFIED CAATS! (*Yes I am aware of the dick move I made with indecision of boy-love stopgapping)

It’s a really cool museum that if you’re in the area, I encourage you to check out. It’s called Bristol Museum and Art Gallery and the Egyptian section is not only educational but will give you nightmares…of mummified kittehs who want to eat your brain.

I’m sorry about this all over the place post, I did a lot for a change last week, so I had a lot to mention. Highlight of the week was of course Screaming Females, despite everything it was a phenomenal gig and I had a great time. I can’t wait for them to tour over here again.

If you don’t know who the hell the Screaming Females are you should check out their stuff, here’s my favorite from the new album.

Thanks so much for reading.

Hopefully I’ll have something up for you on Friday and back to routine thereafter.

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Life is your music collection #1. What a terrible world, what a beautiful world by The Decemberists

Good Friday.

Album reviews are back bitches…(sorry, I’m a massive Pretty Little Liars fan)

These aren’t really album reviews are they? Hence the title change. They are more of an exploration of my personal experience with the music. If you’re looking for a review on here, it will usually consist of I REALLY LIKE IT! So if that’s not for you then no worries, bugger off.

The Decemberists are a great band. They are a great band with a new (ish) album so let’s have a little word gush about it.

‘What a terrible world, What a beautiful world’ is not only a kick ass album title, it’s a fantastic return to form. Not that they ever really lost form? Is that what that means? Well look they were on form, they went away so the lead guy could have a baby and write some epic fantasy and then they came back with this album which is bang on form…meh.

I first came across these guys when a pal stuck ‘We both go down together’ on a mix and I instantly fell in love with it’s inappropriate creepy, borderline rapey and tragic lyrical story.

I then found Sparkle Pony via Portlandia and I became a devoted Decemberists listener. I may even ask for the drummer cut at my next hair appointment (Ha! Like I have hair appointments).

Anyway here we go with the track by track hoedown…(I’m way too British to say that, throw rotten fruit at me)

The singer addresses his audience – Colin Meloy (the rather dashing cavalry captain) has said that this is kind of about him being a front man but that it’s original intention was to be from the POV of a boy band member but boy bands don’t tend to have drummers so I think the line was a continuous blur. The song is a good soft intro to a roller coaster of upbeat then downbeat noise. In an interview I read (and you can read it too) Meloy touches upon the concept of celebrities believing they have ownership over fans, when in reality it’s the opposite that is true. Celebrities are in fact owned by the fans. If they weren’t they wouldn’t be celebrities. I wish more role models were aware of this, perhaps they would be less likely to proclaim their own genius. It’s a good message highlighting that we are all fundamentally the same in a round about way and that we make and break each other.

Calvary captain – This is one of those toe tapping sing a long folk pirate songs. It makes me feel super happy and the delivery on ‘and if only for a second, and if only for a time, we’ll be alive’ really brings a smile to my face. Mainly because whilst I was listening to this on repeat, I was also writing a paper on Existentialism and it summed up the whole bloody concept perfectly. Transient pirate folk rock…hell yeah!

Philomena – Don’t let that dreamy cooing intro reminiscent of those 1940’s car commercial jingles fool you into thinking that this is an innocent little love song. I think this is unmistakably about really badly wanting to taste some minge…too crude? Seriously he wants to eat Philomena out. I can relate (…wait a minute) to the line ‘all I ever wanted in this world…is just to live to see a naked girl’. I was cool and out with being into ladyfaces at around 16/17 which is pretty young to know your own sexuality but I just couldn’t talk to girls without insulting them. In my head I would think I was being irresistibly charming and smart but in reality I would have just called the girl stupid and then rammed my arrogant life philosophy down her throat until she pissed Plato for a week. So…it took me a while to grasp the whole ‘wooing’ thing…Six years later I managed to actually get and hold a girls attention long enough for me to see her naked and yeah it was awesome but maybe not all it was cracked up to be…your life will not finally make sense to you once you lose your virginity…in reality it probably gets more tricky. I should know I’ve done it twice. What the hell am I typing about? Oh yeah oral sex…use a dental dam or know your partners sexual history. You got schooled bitches…(I think Hanna is A)

Make you better – This is a great track with a hilarious video to boot featuring the wonderfully mustachioed Nick Offerman. I’m super late to the Parks and Recreation party train, having only just started watching but I’m partying hard. It seems weird to have such a silly music video for what I considered to be quite a serious song, not sure I will be able to separate the two now, oh well most serious things are stupid…I think I may have just contradicted myself.

Lake song – I get a summery vibe from this one, maybe because it talks about the sun and I’m cold. I get the impression that this is a song about first summer romances and I remember mine fondly so it’s a good song to reminisce to.

Till the water’s all long gone –  The great thing about this band and probably my favorite thing about their infinite talent is their ability for storytelling. I guess the lead singer is also a best selling author so this is unsurprising. I think this may be a tad political and might just be alluding to mankind’s continuing behavior of taking resources and not giving a single fuck about the consequences for those who live on the land those resources helm from…or it could be about water parks?

The wrong year – I think this is a track about missed opportunities and past mistakes. Overall this is quite a reflective album therefore the listener is likely to come out of it either feeling a little bummed out or a little more positive about things. It’s a great thinking album and this is a great thinking track. It will seduce you lightly and not fuck you with Plato I promise.

Carolina low – It’s about to get moody up in here. I really like the line ‘you got an ugly little mouth boy’. This is something that used to get said to me a lot during my angsty youth. I was quite sharp witted and could stab you in the face with my poison tongue. I have a bad temper and obviously when I had hormones all over the place it was hard for me to be the nice calm ladyface I am now. So I really like that line because it was a really cutting remark that made me think twice about being an absolute cunt when I was 13. It’s really interesting for me to hear that remark echoed back to me in a song years later, thankfully it hasn’t been used on me for quite some time.

Better not wake the baby – Human puppies are loud and although I’m not a parent I am an auntie and I remember walking my nephew around the town lake and him screaming so loud that I was convinced someone was going to come over and accuse me of kidnapping a child and take him away. When he eventually went off to sleep I would have happily murdered anyone who disturbed him. I am also a tried and tested babysitter and the little fuckers know if you’re even a little bit un-confident…yet I still can’t wait to have my own because apparently I’m a fucking moron.

Anti summer song – I think this should have been titled ‘anti-we both go down together song’. That’s the impression I get and because that was my gateway Decemberist drug I have to name this least favorite album track…boo hiss. It’s really not a terrible song but I do like to have a little criticism to these fangirl explorations of sound.

Easy come, Easy go – If there is one thing that we all have in common it is that we all will die. Death is all for equal opportunities; male, female, gay, straight, weak, strong, young, old, rich, poor, blue and pink…there is no escape and this song is a nice albeit sinister reminder of that. Don’t worry, to paraphrase Peter Pan ‘death will be an awfully great adventure…bitches’ (Peter fucking Pan is A).

Mistral – So I had to google what a mistral is and it makes sense that it’s a type of wind. My girlfriend would kill me for not knowing that, she’s like a weather genius due to the nature of her outdoors work…she had a go at me a couple of days ago for making a metaphor about whirlpools that wasn’t scientifically correct…my poetic way with words is wasted on her…gah!

12/17/12 – I assumed this was Meloy’s son’s birthing date the wrong way around? Damn Americans can’t get the date right. Anyway I was wrong it’s actually the date of the Sandy Hook massacre. The song I guess is about being super excited about bringing his son who they named awesomely Milo Cannonball into this fucking crazy world, which of course, I am sure; gives every good parent reservations about creating and or/providing life. This whole album is about family and you can’t listen to it without contemplating whether it’s worth carrying on our species. Ultimately, I think the album echoes a resounding yes. This track also wins hands down for most loved album track…woo!

A beginning song – This song reminds me that I don’t have a damn clue and you know what? That’s okay because neither do you.

What a terrible world, what a beautiful world was released this very year, (which is 2015 in case you’re from the future) on Rough Trade Records and it’s highest peaking position was on the US Billboard chart at number 7.

The Decemberists are Colin Meloy, Chris Funk, Jenny ‘Sparkle Pony’ Conlee, Nate Query and John Moen. They are a truly wonderful band who tell so many stunningly visual stories through their art. Their sound is mainly very upbeat folk rock and I really don’t know how anyone couldn’t enjoy this album. They are one of those hard to find all round crowd pleasing bands and I highly recommend this album.

Thank you so much for reading bitches…



*also known as @cowardlycomics

Personal ‘Emo’ Update, Sunshine and Politricks.

Happy belated Easter or ‘eat chocolate for Jesus day’ as it’s called in my house.

It is a bit weird that we celebrate Jesus dying for our sins by eating our body weight in egg shaped chocolate…it’s a bit weird agnostics and atheists celebrate it full stop…but we do, hell I’d celebrate the holocaust for a daim bar…OK too controversial…too soon.



Spring is here.

I can tell by that big yellow round thing in the sky.

I like spring. I like daffodils and tulips. The warm feeling you get that comes with the sense of new beginnings and fresh starts. The cackle of children who graffiti the pavements with chalk dragons and hopscotch. They have been hiding behind luminous screens for too long. Their cold winter entertainment. They can finally go outside and run around like the tiny little lovable lunatics they are…or not, I mean those ipads have candy crush.

I got my polling card through the post.

Politics eh? I guess it’s a subject that interests me more than most, so it is something I’m probably going to talk about in the next coming weeks because did you know there’s an election?

I’m a big fan of Russell Brand. If you would have told me I’d be saying that a few years back I would have laughed in your face but times change, people grow and Mr Brand talks a lot of sense. I pretty much agree with him on most things, however I do think you should vote. At the end of the day I don’t think the revolution is imminent and not voting isn’t going to do much at all (Sorry Russell). You could however cause more stink by voting for less influential parties and causing a hung parliament (which is looking likely anyway). I think this is the only kind of revolution we’re going to see anytime soon but you know if a credible one wants to start anytime soon, I’m happy to hop on the party train.

I will be voting Green (because I’m a damn dirty hippy). Other reasons include, I like the fluffy animals, I like living on this planet which might be hard if they keep fracking, I seriously don’t see the point of trident except for a metaphorical nuclear pissing contest, I miss the bee’s and I really like Australians. In summary I like their policies.

Enough of politics. Let’s talk about me.

Ha! OK well I have plans you see. I hope to be back Monday’s, Wednesday’s and Friday’s depending on health, so please check back in with me on those days and I’ll try to keep typing. I don’t have a lot of time to write today as it has been a busy morning so I think this is your lot.

Thanks so much for reading, you glorious pretty people.


Personal ‘Emo’ Update: The tale of L–don and the black bogeys…Oh yeah and Sleater Kinney.

I am typing this with one numb hand and it proved really damn difficult just to type the title, so you better damn well read till the end.

I have been away (again) for some time, for reasons stacked upon reasons, one of the less personal over-share reasons was because I got behind on my uni work but to be honest writing these blog entries wasn’t the reason I fell behind.

If you’re up for the over share continue to read the next paragraph, if not skip ahead a verse.

As Johnny Cash so well put it all those years ago, I fell into a ring of fire. My mental health has been atrocious. I had a relapse with the MS, hence the numb hand and a whole right side to boot and well I felt so damn low, I felt hopeless…I have never felt so alone except for you know all the other times I’ve had a nervous breakdown. Fucking brain…Anyway as a result of my low mood I stopped taking my MS meds because my stupid brain is a genius when it’s not getting the goods to those slacker neurotransmitters of mine and voila relapse…well I’m not really sure what came first, with MS it’s just ‘here have the lot’ and dumps a ton of shit on your head. I am doing better now thanks to some love and drugs and well I miss writing words and sending them into the internet ether…so I’m back at least until my brain breaks again. I may write some entries later on that go deeper into my experience with mental health and mood stabilizers because I think it’s an important subject that needs discussion but until then let us delve into the adventures of crazy MS girl.

If you read that heartfelt expression from my cold dark soul thank you, you’ll be pleased to know that since my defeat of the evil space lord there has been a significant reduction of alien abductions. If you didn’t, no worries it really wasn’t that interesting.


Last week I went to London.

It was my first long distance train journey since my diagnosis and I held up pretty well. In fact it gave me confidence to give it another go later on this month and make the pilgrimage to York to visit my Grandma who I haven’t seen since my diagnosis.

We went to Paddington and met the famous bear of the same name.


Luckily I have two awesome friends who were in London town for the weekend and drove through LONDON TRAFFIC (maybe awesome doesn’t do them justice?) to pick us up and deliver us to our digs.

Whilst we were waiting outside the Hilton for our ride we bare witness to just how friendly London drivers are. There were roadworks, so a single one way lane had been open to digest the cars through whilst the workers painted yellow lines on the side of the road. A lunatic lady drove the wrong way through the traffic, pulled into the Hilton, honked her horn a gazillion times until the posho whatever they’re called that probably isn’t butler came out. She then shouted at him, flicked the v’s an awful lot at the workers, then proceeded to drive over the freshly painted lines, making a horrific mess, honking her horn the whole time. Her behavior was horrendous. I just hope the workers took her licence plate details and fine the shit out of her…she probably won’t care because she’s probably so rich that she doesn’t have to abide by societies rules or even the law, it’ll probably just be loose change to her. In that case I hope a pigeon shits on her face.

So after that incredibly rude albeit entertaining debacle we caught our ride and headed to Camden town where many a hipster stepped out into traffic, (I did mention how awesome my friends were right?). And arrived at our accommodation which after our initial terrifying booking in which consisted of our keys in an envelope sellotaped to the wall, it turned out to be pretty nice with the exception of the carpet.


We bid farewell to our heroic London transport, (apparently they were just hanging out for the ride as they needed to get back to the safety of the south west) and headed out for a burger at The Honest Burger which dudes seriously if you’re a coeliac or hungry in Camden this is the place to go. Their burgers are the shiz and their service was some of the best I’ve encountered. I felt super bad that we forgot to tip on the card payment and had no change…we intend to go back and tip generously I assure you. I like how quaint and communal the seating area is. I think this is a much friendlier eating experience as it encourages you to acknowledge other diners which I think is a nice way to encounter people…especially in the hustle and bustle of the big city.

Then the next day was the reason I braved black bogeys for a week, seriously native London folk are mutants.

Sleater Kinney.


I managed to gluten myself in the morning with an allegedly gluten free brownie. This was not a good start and I apologize profusely for stinking up the roundhouse. I spent the whole of the afternoon in bed to rest my MS because it isn’t a fan of evenings, well any time of day really but especially evenings.

My BFF arrived early to LDN to take my girlfriend for her walk, he did a good job actually, he even found things for her to climb on.

IMG-20150323-WA0000 (1)

Oh if you’re confused by this, then I should explain that my girlfriend is a puppy.

I love that bestiality shit.

The puppy made us dinner and we headed to the roundhouse which is a venue that in all of my years of gig going I had never attended, which is a shame because it’s such a beautiful building.

We missed the support, apologies PINS, I will endeavor to check you guys out and I am sure to kick myself for missing out.

A girl from a season of The Great British Bake Off that I didn’t watch was in attendance. I don’t really know why this is important but the puppy was quite excited by it…

Sleater Kinney came on and I was automatically MS free and living my life free for the first hour. Then it came back and kicked my butt but seriously live music is such a great treatment for this disease of mine. I need to remember that it’s worth the investment in spoons and money.

They played two songs that I wanted them to play. If you’ve read previous posts you will know that before I attend a gig I have a five song wish list. It never matters if bands don’t conform to my expectations but I was a little disappointed this time around. Good Things is such an important song to me it would have been freaking amazing to hear it live. Among Good Things, the two other songs I wanted them to play were One More Hour and I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone. The songs I wanted them to play and oh boy did they deliver were No Anthems and Jumpers. Oh well I guess I’ll just have to keep going to see them.

They were amazing. They were everything I wanted them to be. It was a fantastic experience. I love Janet Weiss’ drumming beyond expression (I want a shoes in the dryer tee). Corin Tucker’s vocals were just the wail of a siren especially on Gimme Love, she is just fantastic. Carrie Brownstein should stop hitting herself in the head in case of brain damage otherwise flawless. And Katie Harkin who is a fantastically multi-talented touring member.

On our final day we went to the Science museum which was fun, I touched things, then freaked out about how often those things I touched were wiped down, curled up in a ball and rocked myself to calm whilst wiping the epidermal layer of my skin off with antibacterial wipes.

Science is fun.

Now I’m home and I am keeping busy with many things that I will endeavor to write about in future blog posts. I had a lot of fun in London and I owe that experience to those closest to me Charlie, Thomas and Jack, thank you for looking after me.

MS is a debilitating fucker and I have to sit around a lot with my own thoughts, which is enough to make the best of us go a little doolaley. I am hopeful that in doing the things I love which is creating and enjoying art and with the love and support of those that I love. I can live and enjoy life with this disease.

Thanks so much for reading you beautiful lovely people.


Track by Track: Cities to Love by Sleater Kinney.

Hi yeah it’s 2015, shall we skip this first post of the new year nonsense and jump into the good stuff? I mean let’s be honest it’s the first post in what seems like a year anyway right?

OK so do you remember back in 2006 when Sleater Kinney were all like ‘Meh we’re over it’, no? me neither. That’s partially because they never formally acknowledged that they were on hiatus and also in my case I had never listened to any one song that they had created.

They weren’t even on my radar until I watched Portlandia. This is rather peculiar as their sound is my jam. I don’t really know how I missed them. I re-watched The L Word recently after watching it when it aired back in 2004 which was about the time I was discovering bands like L7 and Bikini Kill. So on my re-watch and to my surprise, there was my now current band of the moment, rocking the socks off of everyone in The Planet and I was like ‘how the hell did I miss this?.

It’s probably a good thing that it took me a while to get to where I am now with these guys. Sleater Kinney are one of those bands for me that come along just at the most opportune moment. They soundtracked one of the most tumultuous years of my life. 2013 the year of falling out of love, then in again with someone new and getting my myelin sheath’s ass kicked by my own immune system which admittedly sucked more than all the heartache. It would have honestly been so much more difficult without this band therefore I’m really very glad it took me all this time to find them.

Thankfully I did and that’s why I am excitedly track by tracking their new album ‘No Cities to Love’ which is released on the 20th January. How am I reviewing it if it’s not released yet? Well magic… and also NPR have released a first listen but also magic.

On with the show.

Price Tag – A great song about finding a bargain. You know that feeling you get when you’re at the checkout and you’re thinking shit man the minuscule leftovers from my DLA this month is only just enough to cover one loaf of bread. When suddenly the shop clerk takes you by the hand and he says in his angelic voice ‘Miss, these are buy one get one free’ and your heart lowers from your throat for a brief moment of relief. You thank him graciously and hobble your way back to the shelf to grab another. Content in the knowledge that today you win. Today you found the bargain and you can eat cheese on toast for another week. It’s not really a song about that feeling but it is a song that highlights the inequalities in income and how we feed our emptiness by overspending on items we don’t need. Let’s just say that it could soundtrack a video of Black Friday shoppers. It could also be interpreted on a larger scale. As always there are multiple ways a song can sit on someones understanding and as always these track by tracks are my interpretation and have absolutely no standing in actual factual’s. Great musicianship. Janet Weiss is fast becoming one of my favorite drummers, the way she carries this track is phenomenally bad ass.

Fangless – This is a song about vampires. Of course I would say that I am a huge SF nerd. It’s a song about a kick ass vampire who has been beaten down and lost his or her bite. The thing about vampires though is that they are much like the pheonix or the zombie in that they will rise again and go get that juicy juicy brain. Man I think this entire review is going to be me making stupid jokes then creaming over Janet Weiss’s drumming but did you hear that intro? The way it carries into Brownstein’s guitar and Tucker’s vocals is an earsplitting example that these three are a collaboration of awesome.

Surface Envy – This is a bit of a battle cry of solidarity which is kind of fitting considering this is a comeback album. It’s a full throttle rock charge to the nucleus accubens.

No Cities to Love – The title track sees Carrie Brownstein taking the lead on vocals. Is there anything she can’t do? Ahem I’m going to try and steer clear of going too deep into my opinions on our lord and savior Ms Brownstein because quite frankly it gets creepy. This is actually thus far after Bury our Friends (which has been given more time to seep into my soul) my favorite track. The riffing is fantastic. It takes me back to Gang of Four’s riffing style. It’s very catchy and has single potential. There’s a really good video of famous Sleater Kinney fans jamming out to this track. It runs like a game of spot the coolest icon, J Mascis wins.

New Wave – On second thoughts this might out catchy the previous song and could be contender for my favorite (Not counting Bury Our Friends) track of the album. The music industry is a funny one to watch and not be a part of. I guess I comment on it here but I comment on stuff I like and always as a fan. I most certainly am not a critic and if and when I am I’m terrible at it. New wave is a label that gets stuck on stuff that can’t be put in a box because it’s new and unique. New Wave is a box for the un-boxable. I imagine it is very difficult as an artist to evolve given that as soon as you have hit a level of greatness that garners you fans, you can’t move from that pedestal without those same fans calling you sellouts. I myself have been guilty of this. The other day ‘Warning’ by Greenday came on the radio and as I was singing along I muttered ‘F@*!%*” sellouts’ as the song came to a close. Now that’s kind of unfair but as a fan of their older stuff I feel duped that they went all mainstream emo. This doesn’t mean that I’m entitled to be a hipster douchebag everytime a Greenday song comes on the radio or so my girlfriend tells me. I like that this is a song kind of about bands doing what they want to do. Making the sounds that they want to make and at the end of the day it’s just them. The same way that on a much, much smaller scale, this here writing outlet is mine. It doesn’t have to be anything. It’s free motherfucker. *The Cowardly Lion blog is now undergoing a re-branding and will be renamed The New Wave Cowardly Lion Blog with eventual comics.

No Anthems – This is a wee bit heavier than the rest of the album. A bit more angsty with Corin Tucker’s voice simmering throughout until it reaches it’s abrupt ending. I’m not really sure on my interpretation of meaning but it makes me feel pensive and a little moody. Which is kind of my equilibrium anyway, so I feel very at home with this track. I think it might be a grower, one which I will play to death and gush over at every opportunity…Look I like them all, they are all my favorite.

Gimme Love – Love, love, love. Who doesn’t want to be loved? To be appreciated and acknowledged. Maslow put it third from the top on his hierarchy of needs. On some level we all need love, except psychopaths, they’re probably not that bothered about it but for everyone else it’s a necessity and also a commodity. People don’t just go around saying ‘ here have some free love’ I mean sure they do but it’s not the real true meaning of love. It’s fickle. This is confusing and sometimes people will do extreme things to get ‘love’ or recognition and I thiiink that’s what this song is about. I’m reading ‘The Art of Asking’ by Amanda Palmer and she rather beautifully and eloquently say’s that when she was a human statue she would interact with passers by and a silent exchange of ‘I see you’, ‘No-one ever see’s me’ is passed between them. That’s all anyone is ever seeking, to be noticed. That is my review of love, my review of the song is that the collaborative music builds to a perfect mackle of sounds that echo the hook of the ‘Gimme love’ lyric. Great song. Ten out of Ten, Five Stars.

Bury our Friends – This was released way back last year, decades ago, so it’s been able to cement itself firmly in my heart. It follows a similar theme to the previous song. It’s not about love, you know that thing we need that Maslow said was important. It’s kind of about status, that need for recognition and how we as fans play right into it. My BFF txt me a couple of hours ago saying how he no longer wanted to live on this planet after learning that T-Shirts depicting Kurt Cobain’s suicide note were on sale and people were buying them. That dear readers is one way to exhume your idols. Catchy song, don’t throw away your dogs, give me all the puppies.

Hey Darling – I really like the carousel sound of this song, it makes me a little bit dizzy. I think this might be a bit of a love song from Corin to the other two, seeing how the other two didn’t really separate, they just formed Wild Flag. Maybe it’s a love song to each other? Maybe it’s a love song to the fans? It could be a love song to everyone. It’s definitely a love song. IT’S A FUCKING LOVE SONG OKAY! La la la. OK I’ve lost it…too much caffeine.

Fade – And we finish up on a real gut wrenching tit grabber of a number, which encompasses everything this band is about. It has a dirty sound throwing back to their much earlier stuff, then at about 1:16 it kicks back to their latest plucky guitar riffs then back again to that dirty angst ridden sound that I love. It’s a fantastic showcase of the evolution and variation of this band. They can incorporate silly with serious, heavy and soft, old and new, dirty and clean. Sleater Kinney are a necessary staple in rock and roll.

And so ends the tale of my first experience with this album No Cities to Love.

The album was recorded in 2014 at The Tiny Telephone Recordings in San Francisco and is released on Sub Pop records on the 20th January.

Thank you so much for reading Tom.

You can follow me on Twitter @cowardlycomics

Top Ten Albums of 2014

Here are the most kick ass records released in 2014 (in my opinion).

It’s been a good year for music.

10) Sonic Highways – Foo Fighters

The Foo’s are a never failing staple in rock and roll. You know what you’re getting with these guys and as much as I go on about stagnant bands never evolving their sound, some bands don’t need to. I’m never disappointed by these guys. The album is accompanied by a documentary of the same name that is well worth the watch (I’m pretty sure bbc iplayer still has some episodes).

Best Song – Something from nothing (Which has the bad ass guitarist from Cheap Trick guest shredding on guitar)

9) My Favorite Faded Fantasy – Damien Rice

An open letter to Damien Rice.

Where the hell have you been man? 10 years is far too long a hiatus. Please don’t leave it that long before another album. I missed you so damn much. Your music means the world to me.  I can’t ache to any other artist as well as I do with you.

Please continue to break my heart.

Yours Sincerely

Your number one emo

Best Track – I don’t want to change you.

8) The Other I – 2:54

2014 has seen this sister act kick out a stunner of a sophomore album. The best way I can describe them is a moodier, much heavier Warpaint. I caught them support MAdM way back in 2010 and hands down they win best support act I’ve had the pleasure to stumble on and in to. Their band is named after their favorite breakdown in a Melvins song. I like the Melvins also. We should hang out.

Best Track – Orion or Blindfold (I can’t decide)

7) When the Cellar Children see the Light of Day – Mirel Wagner

If you’re feeling creepy this is the album for you. I keep missing her play as like many other musicians, touring the UK means playing London. Just to clarify London sucks play Bristol. She’s the kind of musician that sends shivers down your spine and makes you question what those things really are that you see out of the corner of your eye. A good album to lose your mind to. I have done so at least twice this year. She reminds me of a cross between Nick Cave, Tom Waits and Fleet Foxes. What a mash up.

Best track – 1, 2 , 3, 4

6) Taiga – Zola Jesus

The sound is kind of imitating good Sia (I’m not so keen on Sia’s new ‘bad Sia’ stuff . I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who thinks that but I’m probably right). This is ZJ’s fifth album and she is still really damn good. She’s a really interesting listen. I can’t quite put my finger on her genre. I want to say electro but it’s so much more than that. I think this is the poppiest album I enjoyed this year.

Best song – Go (Blank Sea)

5) Tied to a Star – J Mascis

Awh shucks I like lullaby’s. That is exactly what this album is, bedtime music. The front man of Dinosaur Jr has released another solo album that lulls listeners into a warm embrace of cuddle up music. If you’re a fan of Dinosaur Jr, I really can’t imagine you wouldn’t like this softer side of Mr Mascis. I am hopefully going to see him play early next year.

Best Song – Every Morning (The video features bad ass funny man Fred Armisen)

4) Phantom Radio – Mark Lanegan Band

Sexiest man voice ever am I right? This is such a great moody album. I have been playing it loud whenever I’m feeling pensive. I will hopefully be going to see these guys also early next year and I’m super excited. This is their 9th album and they’re still really fucking awesome. Lanegan recorded the drums for some of the tracks using an app called FunkBox.

Best Song – Judgement Time

3) Ultraviolence – Lana Del Rey

I don’t feel like this is pop. It’s a damn great moody mess of awesome. Produced by Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys. It’s just an all round brilliant arrangement. I can’t fault this third offering from this tragic starlet and that’s why it’s really close to the top of this list.

Best track – Ultraviolence (This has to be inspired by the Hole cover of Carole King’s He Hit Me. *Gasps* LDR and Courtney Love are playing shows together I shit you not)

2) Transgender Dysphoria Blues – Against Me!

It was so close at the top but alas my favorite band came in second. This is Laura Jane Grace’s coming out fuck you and it’s incredibly liberating. I can’t imagine what it’s like to feel unhappy, uncomfortable and wrong in your gender. I never really give my gender much thought. I’m a ladyface. A sexy tomboy andro ladyface but on the whole I’m female and I’m OK with that. Can you imagine the can of worms you’d be opening if you weren’t. LJG I fucking love you. You are a role model and a bad ass. You are truly a beautiful woman. Keep kicking out the jams.

Best Song – Seriously all of it but Osama Bin Laden as The Crucified Christ or Talking Transgender Dysphoria Blues are the showstoppers.

1) Diploid Love – Brody Dalle

Of course Brody wins everything. What a fantastic comeback after a 5 year hiatus which is long but not as long as some people that feature on this list. There are elements of various sounds and all in all this is a really positive, pick yourself up, dust yourself off kind of an album. I reviewed it earlier in the year somewhere? Tweet me if you find it.

Best Song – Blood in gutters (But I really like this version of Rat Race)

That’s that then. 10 super kick ass records of 2014.


What are your favorite albums of 2014?

Thanks so much for reading.


Against Me! and finding myself in a beer keller?

Great photography bro!

Last week I went to see Against Me! play at The Bierkeller, Bristol. 

It was a great venue for short people as you could stand on the tables.

Which seemed like a great idea until a few larger people stood behind us and started to jump up and down.

Now those benches looked pretty sturdy but they also looked pretty damn old and if they had been jumped up and down on for every gig housed there then perhaps this would be the end for me and my 4ft 10 girlfriend.

It was a sketchy hour and a half.

We lived to see another day.

I don’t get to go to as many gigs as I once did.

The evening time is mostly when my MS tends to come out and play.

It’s also when the really cool punk bands play really cool shows for the really cool social vampires.

Seeing how the two of us (MS and I) don’t much get on, I try to isolate it as much as possible.

It really isn’t the most sociable of diseases so I don’t tend to introduce it to people often seeing how it has a tendency to be a bit of a knobber. 

When I do get to go out though, especially to musical outings I forget that it, the disease is part of me and I remember who I really am for a second.

I’m not someone who is defined by her illness.

I am a damn hardcore punk as fuck bad ass. 

The atmosphere in live music does something to you.

After that gig I had a 4 day spell of feeling pretty much as OK as someone with lesions on their brain can feel.

Pretty much up until I had my injection I felt fantastic and then unfortunately I hit reset with a day of flu like symptoms and I was back to square one.

But that’s OK, last week reminded me that I can reach square 112. 

The band Against Me! have been firm favorites of mine for the past 7 years.

I own all but their latest album which is not to say their new album isn’t worth buying, I just don’t have the spare muller right now.

Thankfully Spotify is an awesome thing with free versions for broke ass broken people like me but perhaps Taylor Swift is right and it’s not a fair listening platform for artists?

I don’t know I’m not a musician.

I’m not sure she knows either.

I mean it’s not like she’s a gazzilionaire.

When I attend a gig I always go with a mental wish/dream set list knocking around my noggin but this was one of the few times I didn’t care what they played.

I was in love with every song.

I was ecstatic when they played ‘Pints of Guinness make you Strong’ and a little upset when they didn’t play ‘Borne on the FM Waves of the Heart’ but all the same I wouldn’t have changed it for the world because it was perfect. 

I’m a big and dedicated fan (of AM!) but I’ve never had the chance to see them live.

I think they played in 2008/9 also in Bristol but I was a fairly recent fan then and I think I was working at the time.

Laura Jane Grace did a solo show earlier in the year in London but I was too poorly to go so I missed out.

Third time was the charm.  

Laura Jane Grace is the front woman of Against Me! and she recently did a super interesting, super informative series short for AOL in which she documents her life long journey with being a trans woman.

It’s filled with some of the most beautiful yet most misunderstood people on the planet and is well worth the watch.  

This year Against Me! were the second live music outfit I attended.

They were second in November.

The first was City & Color in February.

The number of gigs I attend yearly is dropping,

I have gone from a gig every two months to just a couple a year.

It just serves as a reminder that I’ve totally lost who I am to this slow zombie disease and I need to start fighting back because it turns out that when I do, I feel better for it.

So perhaps I haven’t entirely lost who I am.

I think I’m in here somewhere.

So thank you Against Me!

You keep saving me time and time again.

Thank you to my BFF Tom who bought tickets.

Thank you to my girlfriend Charlie for driving me and buying us T-Shirts.

Thanks to my mom for looking after the cats. 

Thank YOU so much for reading. 







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